I have been thinking lately about what it means to be a servant. I have to admit that I like the idea of being a servant better than the feeling of being a servant. Someone has said that the true test of being a servant is how you act when you are treated like one. I confess that sometimes I don’t like being treated like a servant.
It is our privilege as sent-out-ones to serve others who are also sent-out-ones. Sometimes, though, we get to see these precious sent-out-ones at their worst, when they are under great pressure, tired, frustrated, stressed out or angry. Sometimes they treat us like, well, servants. My strong inclination, when this happens, is to revert to sarcasm or otherwise respond in kind.
Here are some thoughts on how to be a servant when you are treated like one:
1.
Remind yourself to whom you are talking. This is a brother/sister in the Body, a very special person, called by the Father for a special task, a sent-out-one. He may not be acting like it right now, but truth be told, many times I don’t act like it, either.
2.
Hold your tongue. It is so easy to respond with an ugly comment when somebody offers one to you. Don’t do it. When I am having one of those conversations, I keep whispering to myself, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it.”
3.
Don’t take it personally. The person may say some things that seem to be personal, but keep in mind that there is really something else underneath that is bringing out the worst. You just happen to be the easy target. Resist the urge to defend yourself.
4.
Let him vent. Sometimes people just need to vent. Give him the freedom to do so. Don’t feel like you need to answer everything or have a debate. Often people will start off in an ugly tone, but after venting for a while, they calm down. They just needed to let off steam.
5.
You don’t have to agree. You can listen without necessarily agreeing. “I hear you” is different from “I agree with you.” Suppose he says, “My boss Pineda is such a jerk.” You don’t have to say (please), “Oh, I agree, he is awful.” You can just say, “Wow, he must have really done something to make you angry. Tell me about it.”
6.
Let him know he can talk to you. After a person calms down from venting, I will say, “Hey, I can see that you are frustrated. I’m glad you came to me. It is okay to share your frustrations with me anytime.”
7.
Where do we go from here? Sometimes people just want to vent, and sometimes they really want action. Suppose somebody vents about his supervisor. After he calms down, I will ask, “What do you want me to do? Do you want me to go with you to talk with your supervisor? Is there something else you want me to do? Or do you want it to stay with me?”
8.
Pray with him. This can be uncomfortable if he is still angry at the end of the conversation, which sometimes happens. It is crucial, though.
9.
Follow up. Go to him after a few days and ask him how things are going. You may get a totally different view.
10.
Find someone safe to whom you can vent. Especially after a difficult conversation in which you have held your tongue, you might need to talk with someone in confidence to let off your own steam.
We are excited to pass along that our son Sam and Christine Redd are now engaged! They are visiting us here in the UK, and he popped the question last week at the beautiful Sheffield Park gardens. Sam and Christine have been dating for several years, and we think she is wonderful. They will both graduate from university next spring (Christine from UT and Sam from Liberty), and the wedding will likely be next summer in Chattanooga.
